Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
zippers are such a cool invention
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
