I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
should my penis look like a turkey
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
