when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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