Already got asked if we're dating
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
