Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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