So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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