Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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