You're my little dorito
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
