I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
