Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
