He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
