Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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