maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
