Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
im about as happy as oj after his trial
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize