he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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