Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
