So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
