matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
