You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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