There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
