i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
