Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
