Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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