i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
