I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
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When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
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He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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