i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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