oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
