Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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