apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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