I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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