? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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