No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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