woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Couch. On fire.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
