the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
