guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
