Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
