Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
