this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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