Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
