I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
This house was built for laser tag.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
