1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
