I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
