She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
