Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
