Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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