i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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