i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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