I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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