Christians are straight up FREAKS
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
