after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
