im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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