Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We named our party play list daddy issues
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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