Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
