please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Randomize
