Sry I called you an 8
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
