She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
