I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
