Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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