so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
