the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
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He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
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I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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