Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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