We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
