dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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