I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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