can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
