I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
