he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
