am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Did I show you my penis last night?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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